“Go to bed and pretend to be ill”, Jonadab said. (2nd Samuel 13:5)
A new guy begins working in Shayla’s office (Chris). He is “makes you speechless cute”. Shayla quickly develops the ultimate crush. She gradually asks around and finds out as much information as she can. She didn’t find out much, because after all her crush was supposed to be a secret. But she did discover he just moved in town, and liked basketball. “Wow, yes, he’s got it going on, plays basketball, that’s so positive and recreational, recently moved, so he’s open to new things, just like me”, Shayla thought. Everyday Chris entered Shayla’s mind. She’d see him in the hall and mentally they were already engaged. But then reality seeped in and Shayla realized Chris didn’t even know her name. She began feeling disappointed, critiquing how she looked, wondering if she was good enough for Chris. “After all she thought, if I was attractive to him, he would have said something to me by now”. Shayla began feeling depressed. One day her friend Karen asked “What’s wrong with you Shayla”? Shayla couldn’t hold the secret any longer and told Karen she was in love with the new guy Chris and didn’t know what to do. Karen replied “Girl, here’s what you do, Ask him if he wants to hang out at your house for a while alone, guys like that, it shows your bold and not afraid to go after what you want.” Shayla thought she’d give it a try, the pretend marriage thing was definitely not working out. The next day she built up courage and spoke to Chris and asked him out. She drove them to her house after work. They talked for a while. He said all the right words. They listened to music, and laughed. Chris kissed Shayla. She thought her heart had dropped to her knees. “He’s the one, this is it”, Shayla thought. The next morning Shayla woke up in bed to find Chris gone. “He was just in a hurry to get ready for work”, she thought. Shayla got up to get ready for work. Hi Chris, Shayla smiled. “Oh, hey”, he replied as he walked away. Those were the last two words Shayla ever heard Chris speak, well until she overheard a conversation a month later in the office as he talked with excitement about his fiancé coming to town the following week.
This story is fictional, but I know we’ve had something similar happen or know of friends who this has happened to, orrrrrrrrr uh, maybe you have been the “Karen” and gave the wrong advice (it’s okay, I won’t tell), only to realize it later after the damage was done. I will be the first to admit I’ve had my share of “Shayla and Chris” stories, hot mess.com! I’ve made many not so bright mistakes similar to Shayla’s where I listened emotions and to friends and regretted it. I didn’t know much about the guy, but like Shayla stretched (a lot) what little info I did have in order to make him into my dream guy. My decisions resulted in very hard consequences. “If it was not by the grace of the Lord”, my forever motto.
This story is somewhat similar to that of Amnon, King David’s son in 2nd Samuel 13. Amnon fell in love with Tamar. The Bible tells us that he loved her so much, he became frustrated with his thoughts of her to the point of illness (2nd Samuel 13:2). No man had ever been with Tamar, she was a virgin, and Amnon knew no one had been with her, perhaps that seemed to appeal to him more. One day his friend Jonadab asked him what was wrong with him. Amnon replied “I’m in love with my brother Absolom’s sister”. Jonadab replied “go to bed and pretend to be ill (v5). The story goes on to tell us that Amnon took this advice. Tamar came to tend to him, and while they were alone, Amnon raped her (v14). Afterwards the story goes on to say, “Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred, in fact, he hated her even more than he loved her” (v15). What?
So we have a slew of things here.
WISDOM: We have yet another story about someone falling head over heels for another so much it made them sick mentally, emotionally and physically. And the common denominator was seeking the advice of a friend and following emotions, not God. I know, I know, what’s wrong with having a crush? Or talking to a friend about a crush? Nothing. However, I have also learned over the years that you can’t tell friends everything. No, not the friend that is constantly on the internet seeking love, or the friend who goes from one abusive relationship to the other, you know the friends that should not be giving Noooobody advice. lol. Yes, they find men, and are never alone. BUT, you have to check the source of all of the information you get. What is their relationship with God? What are the fruits you see in their life that tell you they have wisdom? Is their relationship in God’s order? Have they ever been alone? Joyous? These are alot of questions here, but you have to think, the decisions that you make listening to others will affect your life. If you took the time to look at things with a deeper scope, what will you really see? A friend that is there to talk to, yes, you can see them, you can hear them, but at what cost has their advice been to your life? The book of Proverbs tells us to seek wise counsel, “A wise man will hear and increase learning, and a man of understanding will attain wise counsel (1:5) Proverbs 19:25 tells us to listen to counsel and receive instruction, that you may be wise in your latter days.
Amnon was a prince, one of King David’s sons. He could have had any girl in Israel, but he thought he had to be with Tamar. After finally being with her, he found himself to be angry and empty. My guess is after raping her, he realized those feelings he had were more of lust than love. After this he suffered severe consequences in the end.
*I encourage you to go back to 2nd Samuel 13 to read what happened Amnon because of the choice he made.*
TRUE LOVE: I think of the Samaritan woman at the well. She probably thought that all the husbands/men that she was sleeping with loved or truly wanted her. Or perhaps she had crushes on them or was abused and longed to get an ounce of attention from anyone who showed interest. But Jesus showed her the Truth. He said “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water” (John 4:10). Can you believe that? Jesus took the time out on His journey to sit with this woman and talk to her. She didn’t even know who He was. He was telling her, “I am all you need. I will talk and listen to you. I will hold you. I will provide for you. I will love you. Talk to Me”. Miss lady, He wants so desperately to love on you and be all that you need. But you must first seek Him and He will show you everything you are searching for (Jeremiah 29:11-13).
WHAT’S NEXT: So let’s be honest, who doesn’t want to have a companion, a boo, a prince charming? (uh, Me!). But, first and foremost we have to seek God and spirit led advice/counsel which only comes from Him. Crushes may seem cute and innocent, but when it causes you to become depressed and in a pit where you can’t eat or sleep, giving up your body, etc something is WRONG. You are empty and seeking to fill a void with someone else who is not designed for you. Whenever you get this feeling, it is a warning that God is drawing you closer to Him, not a “Chris”. God is saying to you “Talitha cumi! (little girl, I say to you, get up! (Mark 5:41). God wants you to come talk to him and deliver you, out of that pit, out of depression, out of fear. He wants your attention and your affection. Yes, you can show affection to God. He likes love letters and air kisses to name a few! Think about it, if He designed us as beings who have these emotions, why wouldn’t He be pleased if we expressed these things with love to Him? He gave you the ideas, but not to be wasted on those that don’t deserve it.
Zephaniah 3:17 tells us this “The Lord your God is with you. He is might to save. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love. He will rejoice over you with singing”. If that doesn’t describe someone who is in love with you and I, I don’t know what else does! Will you promise me that you will give Him a fighting chance? He’s waiting.
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore, he will rise up to show you compassion. -Isaiah 30:18
Please leave a comment. I’d love to hear your story.
With Love,
Missy Anne
“Breakfast Chatter”
Have you ever been head over heals with a guy, only to discover later he wasn’t the one?
Think about a time you took advice from a friend or made a decision led by emotions. What happened, and what did you learn?
