** This is written by me, a Believer in Jesus Christ who has been on a very long road in both the secular and Christian world in relation to this topic. I write based on my journey and share practical tips to prayerfully help others along theirs too. This is not professional advice**
Over the course of time in my life I’ve admittedly went thru several stages of thoughts regarding counseling. I first started with the “Black people don’t go to counseling” belief to “I’m a Christian, all I need is Jesus” to “My counselor needs to be a black woman like me to “Yes, counseling is beneficial, but I want a Christian Counselor” to finally Biblical Counseling which has become more my passion and speed and what I personally have begun to look for” (I’ll touch more on this part in a later blog).
I didn’t have many people to talk to when I was a young teen. I wanted to help young girls/women of color. As I grew older, I began hearing about counselors and that there were other types outside of the guidance counselors I knew of, but no one seemed to want to talk to in high school. I started out in the psychology field of study and after many very hard science courses, discovered that mental health counseling was where it was at for me! I excelled in public speaking, discussion and writing at the time. And while in school, although it was hard I was pretty good at application when it came to using the skills, theories and other information I’d learned in school with clients. One of the words of wisdom a professor told my class was that we all should go to counseling. I thought this was a crazy idea, because it just may prove half of us needed to be the client and not the counselor; we’re all crazy with problems! But that’s the point. We all need somebody, and we all have some type of issue.
It’s how we accept and/or manage it is where the journey to true healing begins.
The idea of even sharing that as someone who has went to school for a long time to help others also has sought the same help is sometimes difficult for me, but hey, if this helps others I’m all in!
There is a stereotype that says, “counselors are the worst clients”. Yes, this is true.
I’ve analyzed the person sitting in front of me. I could usually pinpoint the theory they were using after 3 seconds of us meeting, no matter if they were a female, black female or Christian. I would often find myself thinking that the person “sucks” wondering who taught them the skills they thought they had and what school did they go to. Sometimes they were that bad! My last counselor was a Christian Counselor working at an LLC. When I found her, she had Christian Counseling listed as one of her areas of specialty and counseling. After the “my counselor needs to be a Black woman phase”, I knew I wanted someone that is simply skilled in counseling and a “Christian”. After a few sessions, I found that she kept her sharing of scripture at a very basic minimum or it was never mentioned. She did not point me to scripture to validate her “suggestions”. She was an older woman and very adamant about not writing much down, therefore I don’t believe she took many notes because I found myself repeating a lot of things I’d already shared to her before (of which I finally had to share that that was frustrating to me and suggested she write things down). She did share some good nuggets from the perspective of her personal experience and age sometimes, but I often found that after my sessions ended, my adrenaline had increased. Talking with her for that hour was just the same as calling up a friend and complaining. No scripture, no homework, no value.
Very similar to any relationship, after you’ve met someone and shared personal details of your world with the person, I felt vulnerable and found it difficult to detach myself from her because I didn’t want to have to start the process all over again. It can get very exhaustive. But after a while, I decided for my peace of mind it was time to go. And that I did! As a Believer in Jesus Christ, I have decided that it is most important to me to speak with someone that has the same spiritual beliefs and will utilize scripture as a central means to assist me as we work together along the way. I want to be led back to Christ and His word, not the counselor or their opinion.
So below I have drafted an ongoing list of my current top 5 important things to do when seeking a new counselor that is a Christian.
1.) Pray for God’s leading and Guidance. (I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. I will counsel you with My eye upon you- Psalm 32:8)
You’ve made the brave decision to talk to someone about problems you may be experiencing. You’ve been praying and would like someone to talk to that could give you more insight and you also want someone of the same Christian faith as you. As you seek God’s leading on this ask for a discerning spirit and wisdom towards your selection. I found that many people claim to be Christian, but their levels of faith and maturity may vary drastically. (See more in tip 3)
2.) Don’t be intimidated. (For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control – 2 Timothy 1:7)
You see a mountain of alphabet letters after their name, they’ve written published articles, attended well known universities or churches and endorsed by many people. Great. However, you are paying for a service and as such your value and worth is just as important as there’s. We all need a helping hand and we also all have levels of expertise that might not be associated with a degree. Some of the smartest, wisest people I’ve met don’t have a degree or an advanced degree. Seeking counseling is not easy, don‘t let that stop you from finding the right person you need not one that’s simply available. Once you’ve found a few people you want to check out, I suggest asking if they offer a free consultation. Sometimes it is not always listed on their website, so when booking an appointment find this out first. If this option is not available but you think this person may be a good fit, you can always schedule an initial appointment. Just be aware of your insurances policy or the fact that you may lose that money you paid if you decide not to return.
3) Do your research (Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect- Romans 12:2)
I would say google is your friend here, but counselors often don’t have many reviews on their sites or on 3rd party sites. The main idea is to maintain confidentiality and anonymity, so a client is not likely to leave a review. But there may be some, if you want to search for them. If counselors advertise themselves and their services as Christian, look for core beliefs, values and standards on their webpage. Some may have a summary sharing about themselves to make perspective clients feel more comfortable knowing a little more about their personality and how they work with people. I’ve read some really great sounding summaries but talking and/or meeting in person is always best! Their beliefs should align with Gods word, not opinion or politics. Look for sponsors they may have listed on their pages, associations they are a part of, flags and areas of counseling that they counsel in. If you have any questions of something that you may need clarification in, call the office and ask. The secretary may be able to answer your questions or sometimes there won’t be a secretary and the counselor may be kind enough to speak with you.
4) Ask questions. (Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the devil walketh about as a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour – 1 Peter 5:8)
Always ask questions no matter if the person is the same gender, same color or same religion! As believers, we are called to seek God in everything we do so that our choices are wise and pleasing to Him. Sometimes those choices, people or ideas look like they’re good but they may not be.
Typically, at a secular counselor’s office, these questions would likely not be asked regarding religion, etc. BUT if you are seeking a Christian counselor, I believe it makes very good sense to ask questions relating to your faith in God, because you want to make sure you’re with someone that truly has a relationship with Christ, not just a degree. How else can they be of benefit to you in leading you to Christ! (My 2 cents)
When you’ve finally chosen a person, prepare a list of questions to ask. Ensure you pray about the questions to ask and get in every last one. Remember that the first meeting is a chance for you to see if this counselor will be a good fit for you. Take as much time as you need and don’t rely on memory. Take the list with you and pull it out!
Some question examples:
Do you believe Jesus is the Son of God?
What are the specific guidelines and/or rules of the company or organization you work in regarding Christian counseling and methods used?
Do you believe in the Trinity?
Do you believe Jesus died a substitutionary death on the cross to pay for our sins?
How would you describe your approach to counseling?
What role does scripture play in this approach?
How do you understand people’s problems? ie, usage of scripture? model of training used, theories, etc
How do you help people change thru counseling?
Do you use scripture during sessions?
Do you use prayer in your counseling sessions?
Do you pray with your clients?
Do you pray in the name of Jesus?
Do you view the Bible as the inerrant infallible word of God when assisting clients as a Christian Counselor?
5) know the difference between Christian counseling and Biblical counseling
Not finding what You’re looking for? Try Biblical counseling. I will share a few differences here.
Christian Counseling uses an integration model. It will use the Bible but tends to make it lower than theories/theorist used and sometimes more adapted to a worldly perspective. It claims that supplemental sources are needed because the Bible doesn’t cover certain issues. However, the Bible has something to say about every problem or concern anyone faces.
Biblical Counseling is based on the power of the Holy Spirit. It’s God who uses the spirit to change a person’s heart. The ultimate goal of Biblical counseling is to lead people to the feet of Christ. It realizes that the Bible is the foundation of Everything. What does this look like? The counselor should be sitting and listening to you, praying with you, lead you to and read scripture with you, reviewing practical ways to assist with concerns you may have. Not just looking for a behavioral change but a heart change, diving deeper into the root of the issue or concern. (*please note, if further care is needed, they should offer well reviewed resources and referral’s and follow all rules as with other mandated reporters)
It is important to acknowledge that some insurance companies may or may not cover both Christian or Biblical Counseling. Some instead may work with clients on payment arrangements or I’ve found some that take small donations/offerings at their church. Finding a “good solid-in the Christian faith Bible believing counselor is not as simple as it seems when doing a internet search but as you seek the Lord’s guidance by reading scripture, perhaps finding referrals at church and/or doing research I pray you find the person right for you and that the tips above help you.
Cheers to us on our Journey with God!
Lets Pray,
Heavenly Father, we thank you for your love, grace and most importantly for who you are. As we go about on this journey, we are in true submission to you. Guide us in the right direction of Bible believing Christians and churches who will walk together with us on this road, leading our hearts right back to yours!
In Jesus Name I pray,
Amen
Love Missy Anne
