I woke up, prayed, got my son up, made breakfast, checked on my son to make sure he was still up, went in my room stared at my clothes with absolutely no idea of what I was wearing, rolled my eyes, walked to the bathroom, ran the shower, went back to the closet, stared at my clothes once more, in walks my son who demanded my attention in fixing his zipper to his favorite jeans, back to my closet, finally picked out “something presentable” to wear to work, then back to the shower. Have you had a morning similar to this one? I have had many. One of these days I’m going to wake up and not rush so much but today wasn’t the day.
I often get compliments about how beautiful my skin is, and I say nonchalantly, “oh, it’s foundation but thank you”, can’t take a compliment (will save that for another post). But this particular day, although I was in a rush, something caused me to slow down. As I looked in the mirror, preparing to put my favorite foundation on my cheeks, I looked at these two blackheads. Talk about a pet-peeve! They have been bothering me for the longest time, so much I decided to order proactiv. I annoyingly stared at the blackheads and as I started to place my foundation on top of them, they soon disappeared. I began to think about what I was really covering up. This morning I wasn’t satisfied that the blackheads no longer showed. I could consciously feel this empty feeling inside that I just couldn’t ignore.
I wondered, what if i couldn’t cover up all of the pain, hurt and “not so bright” mistakes I’ve made in the past? What if everything I’ve done in my life appeared as blemishes all over my face? Pre-marital sex, pregnancy out wedlock, abuse, the old boyfriend who cheated on me, yet I stayed;. The so-called friends who talked about me behind back; insert blackheads on chin, pimples on forehead, nose, lips. (ouch!!) It’s amazing what a little bit of makeup, nice shoes and clothes can cover on the most hurt person. In just 45 minutes (for me this is super long), I can outwardly wipe away the imperfections on my face and all everything that has happened years, months, and even yesterday. After all, it’s just the outside that people can see, right?
If all of my pain and past experiences appeared on my face, I’d be what everyone called kids back in high school with a lot of pimples “a pizza face” or “ugg mug”. The girls would say “Ewww, he is not cute, did you see his face, all those pimples, oh no”? Imagine if someone said that to you when a blemish appeared after every time you’d been hurt or made a wrong turn in life. Every space would either be filled or almost filled blemishes galore. But alas, it’s not, and I’m able to go about my day, put on my shoes, clothes, my covered face and walk out the door. Well, until today.
The Holy spirit hit me so loudly. I realized I was taking so much effort and time covering up my outward blemishes that the “real ones” internally were what I needed to focus on. They screamed for healing, I just ignored the sounds. God has so much mercy on us. He doesn’t see us the way we or others see ourselves. He loves us with an un-surpassing love that is incomparable to any other. I’ve realized that I’ve feared people, their words, and their opinions more than the thoughts of God. The Bible tells us that we are honored and precious in His sight and He loves us (Isaiah 43:4). Think about this, He created you and I and took His time with His own hands building and forming us even before our parents and this world knew who we were (Psalm 139:13); unique, beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).
When I think about all of the money I’ve spent on makeup and other material stuff, I cringe at times. Don’t get me wrong, I still like these things, but I’m realizing more that I’ve been so needy and such a slave to them. Name brand clothing, make up or shoes wont make God love me any more or less. 1st Peter 3:3-4 says “Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel, rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. He sees the real me. He loves me regardless even if the world doesn’t. The Bible says ” Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you” (1 John 2:15).
I had to ask myself in the mirror, “Do I love you”? I had to admit, the answer was “no”. This was so embarrassing for me. It’s not easy to admit when you go throughout the day trying to tell yourself your strong, nothing phases you, constantly trying to pacify your emotions with things that don’t last. I loved and saw myself through the eyes of others, not from the eyes of my Father. The education, degrees, money and clothes no longer worked. I needed Jesus.
It has taken some time to come to these revelations about myself. It takes a lot of stripping away old thoughts, and actions and totally being naked before the face of God. He knew all of this stuff anyhow, but it’s weird how I’ve tried to hide it and not say it to Him. I’m okay with who I am at this moment in my life. I’m thankful for these blemishes. God has so much to work with. In humility and transparency, face down before Him is where He can and will do His best work in me.
Ladies, God has more plans for you and it will not only be dependent on your appearance, a man, a degree. He needs only You. I challenge you to look in the mirror with no make up on, no distractions around and think about the first thoughts that come to your mind. And if you don’t wear makeup, think about some other things that you may use to cover up or hide behind instead of facing the real you. Begin speaking to God about these thoughts. Where are they coming from? What do you need to do see yourself as God sees you?
Please share your comments below..
With Love,
Missyanne
