Not Again (Singles)

 Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses -2 Corinthians 6:4

I haven’t written in a while. I won’t blame it too much on motherhood and work, but well, those are apart of it.  Basically life issues is more the reason.  I try to write when God presses something within my heart real bad, usually it’s due to something that I am or have struggled with myself.

Lately, as I go on this path in pursuance of my purpose from God, I have been so utterly distracted it is ridiculous!  One of those distractions is of the male persuasion.  (what a surprise right?).  It seems as if every time I am trying to stay focused on the Lord, and doing what I need to do, I’m just attacked with test.  Ex’s may call out of the blue, I may see guys I’ve “talked” to briefly and then fled because I shouldn’t have never talked to them in the first place (thank you Lord!), everywhere I turn all the men are attractive (I mean all of them!) I swear, this only happens when I make a declaration to God that it’s me and Him, and that I’m in it for the long haul.

Although I’ve talked to some guys here and there over time,  the Lord has has shown me in several ways, that I was settling and to move on (again, thank you Lord!).  One of the things God has been showing me during this season is for one all the women around me that I’ve met who are going through the same thing.  I have seen and heard of so many women settle for a man because they think they’re getting too old, they’re lonely, they think they can change them*, or they’re bored and just want someone to pass the time with. Why have we/do we do this?

The other day was a tough day for me.  I felt like I was just being attacked mentally, emotionally, and spiritually in every way, being reminded of what I don’t have and who I don’t have.  But I’m always reminded how 10 years ago I was on fire for the Lord.  But because of who I was hanging around, I allowed a former friends discontentment with being single also fill my heart.  I soon became involved with someone that God didn’t have for me, but it seemed good and I wanted to make it work.  The Bible warns us to guard our hearts, because out of it springs the issues of life (Psalm 4:23).  And boy did so many issues spring out during that relationship.  And this is why God has me right where He does for me to pass this test and move me into where  He needs me to be for His kingdom.  Spiritually, I know this time I have is for a greater purpose but fleshly, lets be honest, I do miss having companionship at times.

So while I was all up in my thoughts and feelings, allowing the enemy to have a field day, not to my surprise looking back now, a young lady contacted me.  God intervened.  She told me she’d met a guy whom she had known for awhile and never gave him the time of day, but recently they’ve began talking and he’s basically swept her off of her feet.  I always try to think twice about my response because I don’t want to come off as a “hater”  but I had to ask  “Does he know the Lord?”, “Is he saved?”, “Does he attend church?” You know, basic “sanctified” questions. lol. She responded and said yes, but he wasn’t a Christian.  So then I had to pause before responding again.  I wondered if I should just give it to her straight or pacify the situation and wait till a better time.  I had to go with the first one. The Bible tells us to speak and judge one another in truth (Zechariah 8:16). So knowing her personality, I also felt that she would respect the straightforwardness and not the bull-you-know-what.  To sum it up I basically said, you’re settling and it can never work (2 Corinthians 6:14). She disagreed.

This is one of many stories I’ve seen, heard or been through myself.  And I loved how God used her to remind me why He has me where I am at this moment because He has a plan for my life.  I can’t go back to where she may be headed. I remember those days and never want to see them again unless it’s to use my story and God’s words to help someone else. Despite the devil and his many darts, I must try to be a better example of what a Godly Christian single women stands for, that she doesn’t have to settle, that there is and can be joy in being single, that life goes on when your single, that I have a purpose and no man gives or takes away my worth or value.  I don’t know if I pushed her away a bit,  but I know that I am accountable to God for what I do and don’t do.  And what if she was about to get very romantically involved or sleep with this guy, I had to tell her the truth. I remember an elder from an old church told me “Missy-Anne if you continue to stay in your relationship, you are headed for destruction”.  I blew him off, being prideful.  And in the end, he was right.  I could have stopped myself from making a mountain of mistakes but I didn’t listen.  Each time we are prideful, we remind God of that pride filled, haughty “conceited” fallen angel that thought he was better than Him and was kicked out of Heaven (Ezekiel 28:17).  So I told her the truth and weather she likes it or not or understands, I care about her too much to allow her to make the same mistake.  Perhaps she doesn’t see it now, but prayerfully one day she will.

It breaks my heart to see women, myself  included when I get distracted falling into the world’s frame of thinking that being with someone will bring or add to my value, as if I’m a car or bank account.  Maybe it’s me just getting older, but I’ve been through too much to sacrifice my journey now for a pair legs to be in my bed at night.  I mentioned earlier about companionship.  At times when I’ve I had companionship, I also experienced being cheated on and abused, definite negatives.  It’s really possible to also be in a relationship but feel completely alone, and no amount of physical interaction could fill the void you feel like your missing.  Compromising God’s standards, or settling just is not worth it, WAIT. (Song of Solomon 8:4).

I was watching a former youth pastor last night while looking for resources to send to the young lady to explain what I told her even further.  In one of his videos, he talked about women who have done nothing with their time while they were single but wait for a man.  All’s I could hear was “ding ding ding”. I have been that girl, that’s how I got into previous relationships.  I was all for waiting on the Lord in church, all hype after a good sermon, and as soon as my friends and I left the church, we’d soon talk about men.  Often times,  about the men in the church! (hot mess). If I was distracted in a relationship, maybe with a person I had no business being with again, I could have never given that young lady the advice I did.

My whole goal with sharing this is to be transparent and share that I have struggles just as you do.  I’m so  often amazed at how God speaks to me even while I’m trying to run away and hide in my thoughts. (I have major control tendencies, where I often will think of how I can fix things on my own, then add God to it at the end- major faux pas.  But that’s a lesson learned for another blog). I’ll go on social media, and in the midst of the robotic right thumb scroll, I’ll see a quote from someone experiencing or thinking the same thing as me, or like yesterday, while looking for a resource for someone else, hearing more things that I need to be reminded of.  God definitely hears me, I can NEVER say He doesn’t.  And when He wants my attention, He’ll do what He needs to to get it and bring me back to Him.  This journey has not been easy.  I have had many hardships.  I’ve wanted to quit many times and just simply settle.  But here’s what  Paul says in 2nd Corinthians 9:24-27.

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. ²⁵ Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.²⁶ Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. ²⁷ No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize”.

Do you see how awesome this verse is?  I (We) are in the race for a purpose.  I must fight and continue to go on no matter what temptations come my way because the end result is so much greater than the race.  The end result is being with the Lord.  The end result is passing this test.  The end result is growing more spiritually mature.  The end result is stomping the devil down to the ground and showing him, he can’t stop what God has began.  His word is true.  He will finish a great work that He has started within me (Philippians 1:6).  This is the goal.   Of course I want to be married in the future, but right now, the Lord has other things for me to do and however hard it is, I must be obedient and seek Him to see all that He wants and has for me to do during this season.

Paul is also such a  great example of one who was literally a hot mess before God took hold of His life, but he never gave up. (*If you are not familiar with the life of the Apostle Paul, please go to the book of Acts and read about about his journey.  I promise you definitely will be blessed and learn so much more about your own journey while reading it*).  He kept looking ahead because he knew that God had a greater purpose to fulfill and he was apart of it. He was hit with so many test and trials trying to do the Lords work.  If he had a “boo” during his journey, I don’t believe he would have accomplished what he did for the Lord.  He would have gotten distracted and his vision would have mostly been on his mate, what she was doing, who she was doing it with (you know the drill).  This is why he tells us that it is good to be unmarried just as he is (1st Corinthians 7).  When you are unattached you have more time to focus on the Lords work, comforting, serving and helping others.(2 Corinthians 1:4).

This time as a single is my  time to allow God to work in me like I’ve never seen before.  The enemy wants so bad to stop me in my tracks to become distracted.  He is jealous of me.  I have a bright future and he’s simply a fallen angel who thought he knew it all.  Well, guess what?  I admit I don’t know it all.  I don’t have all the answers, I struggle with the same struggles that most women do, being single is one of them.  But this is the best time in my life to stay on this path and learn something new each day from the Lord.  It’s important to talk to Him, read His word, listen to worship, study the Bible, anything I have to do to stay focused on my purpose and less on my circumstances.  I know this isn’t permanent, just as this life isn’t permanent.  The enemy goes around like a roaring lion waiting to see who is weak so that he can find a way to destroy you. (1 Peter 5:8)  Alls it takes is a song you’ve been listening to, a tv show, a boy crazy friend, anything that can plant a seed and your self torment begins.  You’ve then wasted minutes, hours, a day/days, maybe months or years focusing on your relationship status, and what you don’t have instead of what you’re supposed to be doing for the Lord.  I don’t want to look up one day and my son is a grown man, and I’m still trying to “find” myself in my 80’s, or say to him “I wish I would have done this or that”.  No way,  God has use for me right now!

I definitely know that this walk is not easy, but I also know that I am not alone on this journey and I’m writing this to give you the same reminder.  I know that I’m not the best writer nor do I claim to know and memorize every scripture in the Bible.  But what I do know is that my journey and my stories are not for myself or to keep in my journal.  They are for God’s glory to share with you and other women that what you are experiencing is not a surprise to God, and there are other women right in the boat with you.  The devil loves (actually he can’t love anything), but he wants us to believe we’re alone and the only one with these experiences so that we feel guilty, embarrassed or afraid and wont share which will prolong your feelings even more, sometimes leading to depression or making terrible mistakes in the long run. Please link up with someone at church, a close friend who knows the Lord, or message me! That’s what this group is for to share and encourage one another to stay on the right path.

So my silly self decided to put my thought on a T-Shirt. As brutal as it may sound, I’ve seen worse on shirts and it’s true so why not?!?!  And now that I’ve written this, I know I’ll probably be attacked with a thought, or something after pressing “publish”, or tomorrow at work, but it’s all good.  I’m going to pray and perhaps read this blog for a reminder and I think it may be time to read about Paul again myself.  Stay strong and always stay connected with God my sisters, He hears you and wants the best for us.  But we gotta stay focused on Him.  Everything we need, rest in His hands.  We are in this together!

Love

Missy Anne,