I will never forget. Walked to the local clinic by school. Took pregnancy test. Positive result. The nurse did not say congratulations. The nurse did not ask how I was feeling or if I was ok. The nurse did not provide a referral for me to go talk to someone to include a doctor. She simply told me that I was getting farther along in my pregnancy. I only had a few weeks left to “get rid of it”. I told her “No”.
I’ve told this story so many times. It is long and sometimes emotionally exhausting. But if God has helped me through it, I will share and prayerfully it helps you too.
I was in a relationship for some months and became pregnant. I was in denial. I knew I had sex, then there was the vomiting and having weird cravings, but it never dawned on me that I could be pregnant. I didn’t want to fathom the thought. I laugh at this thought now, but during that time I felt I had a lot to prove. And if I admitted that I was indeed pregnant, I would admit to being what I saw as a failure. I was finally about to enter my last year of college; I was active in the church with aspirations of starting a women’s ministry. I was supposed to be an example for the younger students but was not living a life that fully reflected the word of God.
Every single defeatist thought possible I could think of entered my brain at that moment leaving the clinic, even after I told the nurse boldly “No”. But looking back, giving that response was innate. It came without a second guess. I’d always wanted to be a mother, but just not exactly at that moment. I knew I was in a relationship I had no business being in. All of this was not in my plans to graduate and move on. And as soon as I told older adults at church, it all became more about what everyone else thought of me, how I’d look and what people would say. I decided to keep my baby, but afterwards I lived in so much spiritual and emotional guilt. I had people on every side telling me what I should and should not do. The people in church were telling me I should get married because it’s what’s expected of me to do. Then there’s my family who wasn’t so much in the church telling me the opposite. Not to mention listening to “friends” who should likely not give advice to anyone EVER.
Moving forward, each day was a struggle. I had to forget about myself and be there for my son. So, I know how difficult it is even as a Christian to make the decision to keep a baby that you’re not prepared for and also beat yourself up afterwards wondering if you’ve made the wrong decision. I felt no one understood what I was experiencing. And I couldn’t express myself how I wanted to because I was overwhelmed with various emotions on top of the expectations of how I was supposed to look as a Believer.
But God knew my every thought and wiped every tear. When people “washed their hands” of me because they felt I was complaining too much, or so-called friends gossiped behind my back, He knew His plans for me. He covered me. He led me to people and places where I got the help I needed for my son and I. And to my last breath, I will forever be grateful. I was still able to work, get degrees, travel and more. It wasn’t easy but life with a baby never is even when you’ve planned for it. You’re never fully ready! There’s twist and turns and you must adjust. But I couldn’t picture my life without my son in it.
I have an amazing healthy son that keeps me on my toes every single day. Some days it seems surreal, and I just stare at him. Time has gone by so fast. I’ve had a lot of pain in between but so much joy and things to praise God about as well. I’ve learned so many things through this journey. I would not trade it for the world because this walk has led me to so many new interests. It has revealed gifts and talents I could have never imagined that I had.
God will use each story for His Glory. That isn’t a cliche, it’s TRUTH!
Soapbox moment:
It’s crazy to think that there was an SPCA way before there were even child welfare agencies for children! I believe that every life is a precious gift from God. I choose life knowing its not just because I am a Christian but knowing each baby no matter the origin of conception, unplanned or planned deserves a chance to LIVE. Each hair, each cell, has been specifically curated, uniquely made by our divine creator to include myself and anyone reading this article. Could you imagine not being here today? Even though I’ve had many tough days, I couldn’t! Is each road easy? No. Is every step or decision making a walk in the park? Absolutely not. But He makes it all worth it. I can testify for me He makes it worth it for me and I know of a slew of others as well who can say the same. We are made to worship God and serve each other. This is why it’s so important to help your fellow brothers and sisters needing care and direction especially in this area. It’s not merely a woman’s problem, a political or ethical debate, or bodily choice. It’s a spiritual problem. It’s a sensitive subject. This is a topic that should be talked about especially in the church and not brushed over but embraced. I’ve seen people in the church go all the way to China or Africa to adopt babies. I’ve also seen people in the church promote choosing life but how is the church helping these mothers who do choose to keep their babies? If God has truly led people to other continents to adopt, that is definitely a great thing, BUT, what about the many children here in America waiting to be adopted? Or the single mothers in your congregation? What has been done to reflect the walk of Jesus and the helping of your community outside of the church walls? The church still needs to do MORE! It starts with me. It starts with you. More needs to be done outside of shouting on Sundays and collecting a few donations. It’s a start but we can’t just end it there.
When I was pregnant, I wish there were local pregnancy centers I could go to or knew about instead of local clinics like planned parenthood or similar to the one I went to on that memorable day. Now I know more about pregnancy centers and how they offer and help all women from every background make life affirming choices without judgement of how they landed at their door. Pregnancy centers such as those linked to Care Net can provide free resources such as post abortion care for women who have had abortions and need someone to talk to including for recovery or counseling. They have parenting classes, referrals/resources to local churches, food pantries, care assistance, sonograms, pregnancy test, std testing, coaching/counseling, mentorship for fathers, baby care essentials and so much more. Please check the following link for pregnancy centers in your area.
You don’t have to walk alone.
Find Your Nearest Pregnancy Center
Lets, Pray,
Father God, we come humbly before You, thanking You for each breath, each day, every win and every fail. We know You are near and hear our every cry. I thank You for this journey, for the lives that You have Saved, and the ones that You will Save. I thank you for the women and men that may be seeking answers struggling themselves and needing something or someone to call out to when they feel alone or afraid. May they stay steadfast on the course that leads them to Your Truth and closer to You. May we not be afraid to stand up and OUT for the Gospel of Jesus Christ and proclaim Your infallible words to others.
In Jesus Name We Pray,
Amen.
Love,
MissyAnne
